Painful Growth

ugh. No one likes it. I've always hated it. It's embarrassing, humbling, maddening, sickness inducing, and excrutiating.
I'm going to share this with you because maybe you're me in a different parish. Maybe you aren't even aware of these things and I'm yelling at you to wake up. Maybe it will help parents or pastors who check this site out to know what is going on in a youth ministers' mind-and what might be going on in thier youth minister's mind.

Do you ever hear pastors roles explained like this: "He's great with people but an administrative mess! Love him to death, but can't run a meeting or keep the finances together." OR "Yeah, we are out of the financial hole here at our parish but the pastor is so hard to talk to-definately not very warm."

Well, I'm definately the first. And, being that those failures are much more concrete, those of us who are like that generally get "the talking to". And that's what I got today.

This parish has very high standards: It is a parish of money, of business owners, of higher education, of high expectations. A wrong date on a hand out throws their world into panic. A phone call or email not immediately returned is considered rude. An injustice, real or percieved could determine whether they stay here or go to the other parish across town-or leave all together. When I say high standards, I mean HIGH.

And, in one sense, this is good for me. Painful, yes. Their expectations that improve at the very things I am weak in is very real, and will make me a better worker, in the long run. It will make me a better person and maybe even a better minister.

No one likes their weak points shown to them and then told to work on them. My defensive side kicks in and says "well, co-worker who has brought this to my attention, you're not so great with kids. You yelled at one last week". or "yeah? Well, you talk down to the kids" or to the Pastor-who highly values excellence in administration-you ain't so warm and easy to talk to at all.

But the reality is that we all have weaknesses. I've said this before, I'm obviously still thinking about it: Most of us who get into youth ministry do not do so because we enjoy working in an office doing adminstrative work. I think for lots of us it's the necessary evil so that we can spend time building relationships with the kids, with their families and with our volunteers.

If you are one of those kinds of people, let yourself be open to improving your office skills. If you are in the office too much and have a great calendar of events but no one comes because no one knows you, get out there!

I'm also a bit nervous to put this out there because I don't want to give the impression that programs are better than relationships. I still believe that programs need to be at the service of relationships, that you need people in youth ministry who are able to have genuine and solid relationships with teens. But know that the other side is there, that it is real and get ready for it.

A side note of wisdom to all those who have not entered youth ministry: If you aren't sure you are good at administration, at least do yourself the favor of getting a job that you like (and get better paid at) and then volunteer for youth ministry, or get a job where administrative work is valued and immerse yourself in learning.

And for all the parents and pastors out there who get frustrated with our lack of admin skills: Be patient with us. Thank us for the good things that happen. Look for the times when an event did go well-tell the pastor and tell your youth minister. Offer to help. Offer to connect people who your YM might not know about. And most importantly:

Pray for us. We want the best for your kids and really do want to support your family. But instead of gossiping about us and complaining about us, please pray for us. I know that I'm in desparate need of your prayers.