Differences in Faith

I went to lunch today with the woman who does our music here at the parish. She made the comment to me that she's not sure if she's even Catholic any more, though she does have a deep faith. I was saddened by this, but as she told her story, I found myself wondering a few things.

Her ex-husband (civil divorce) was a by-the-book Catholic it sounds like. She admitted that she realizes now that she married him because she was anxious to get married and start having children. She knows that they were not well matched and that he never really accepted her and who she was. It sounds like the end of the marriage was particularly nasty, his family calling her names, he was doing the same, he was anticipating keeping her children from her, all the money, etc. Not good for anyone under any circumstances.

So, she has very little good to say about the Church hierarchy. It sounds like he so discolored her opinion of Church because he was so narrow that he could not accept who she was in all her creativeness and flair. She now lives with one of her daughters and her fiancee. For her emotional life she feels she is being best to her self by doing this. Because of her painful experience I don't think anyone could tell her that what she is doing is wrong. She is picking up the pieces of her life and trying to find acceptance, balance and sanity.

I was sad for her, esp as she told me that when she does marry her fiancee, she won't seek an annulment, but that she'll have a civil ceremony and bring in some liturgical qualities.

What I began to wonder about was can I be quiet and still be a presence of God-in all his truth and beauty-to her?

I am fairly confident that any conversation about sin, divorce, the Church's teaching on sex, what have you would go not only unheard, but resented at this point. She has talked to several (sometimes dubious) sources, so I know that she is searching. However, could this be a lesson to me about holding firm to all the Church has-that I know that I cling to and do believe-and still be a sister to this woman who is not quite sure she wants to accept it all? How best could I bring Christ to her?

I think of all the other Catholic blogs out here. We tend to be fairly orthodox if not a bit on the conservative side. What would some of the others think? Would they all jump on me and say that I had to tell her how it was and expect that she could live up to these expectations?

It dawned on me that each of us have our own experience of Church and we take it in, mull over it and put it back out as if it were what the Church teaches. Sometimes we get it wrong and so we put the wrong thing out there, and we do not want to hear this. Sometimes we get it right and the challenge is in how to share it with others.

Most importantly I think we need to "be transformed by the renewal of our minds" and conform ourselves to the Church. Maybe with her I will need to "Speak the Truth and if necessary use words".