Sweet Jesus

I recently decided to go to a Sports Medicine doctor to deal with some pain that I have been having in my knees and feet.

I finally decided it was time to go when, during daily Mass (in our very quiet chapel) I'm walking up to communion and my knees are louder than the priest saying "Body of Christ". Click-click, click-click...all the way up. That and shopping in my wonderful boots over Christmas caused me to sit every 20 minutes or so...that might have something to do with it.

So I get x-rayed and examined. It's determined that the outside muscle of my upper leg is quite tight and the one inside is less so, causing my kneecap to shift sideways to the left randomly. That's especially fun when I'm coming down stairs. Does anyone else have the feeling that their kneecap is about to fall off?

I went in for my first appointment the other day. OH MY LORD. Sweet Jesus.

We went through the routine questions (because the doctor's notes from a week ago have not yet been attached to my file) and we start "therapy".

The first thing that the PT does it hook me up to this machine. Let me remind you that this is on my upper leg, a place I don't normally shave in the cold winter months. He sticks two sticky pads to my leg and says "You are going to feel something".

That was an understatement. Of the year.

At first it was like cute little ants walking on my leg, then small pin pricks then NAILS COURSING THROUGH MY MUSCLE. This "PT" watches me for a "reaction". I'm reacting! He's trying to determine what level to keep it at. All I know is I keep hearing him say "one more...ok..one more...ok one more...ok... one more". Sir, one more means: ONE MORE. Not several more.

So we're at level 16 and he tell me "if it were a lot higher you'd be in pain". Really? "Ok, this is going to go on for 10 seconds and then off for 20. During the 10 you need to lift and lower your leg and then rest during the 20". Is he for real?? Move? With this jarring going on?

Suddenly I feel the electric pulse start. It is like a car engine, it starts and 0 and then zooms up to 16. I'm never quite ready for that charge. I'm gripping the sides of the table and desparetly trying to move my leg up and down. For 20 blessed seconds I relax. Then it starts again. zzzZZZZZZZIP! up it starts again.

"OK, we're gonna set it for 18 minutes" WHAT? "I'll check back and see how you're doing". See how I'm doing? Will this electronic charge give me a heart attack or just the unexpected rush that comes every 20 seconds??

18 torturous minutes later (I became an expert at counting 10 and 20 seconds) he comes back and says "Ok, now we're going to do some exercises".

Yeah, right.