M As In MEDICINE!!!

Yesterday morning I woke up before 6am with severe, severe pain in my left side. I rolled around in my warm bed for awhile before getting up to see if moving around would help. That, and a bathroom visit.

Nothing worked and I stood in my bathroom with my head resting against the wall trying to decide if 5:50am is too early to call my doctor brother. A wave of pain overtook me and I decided-nope, not too early.

I described the pain to him and he said it would be a good idea to go have it checked out. After I hung up I still wondered if the pain was severe enough to go to the hospital. I began to walk back to my bed when the answer came in blinding reality: Absolutely.

I got dressed and moved as quickly and cautiously as I could out into the cold to my car. I drove to what I thought was the hospital, which is only about a mile away and parked. As I walked towards the nearest door I saw a woman in scrubs and asked if this place had an ER. No, she replied-at which point the tears started rolling down my face. I couldn't believe I had come to the wrong place. It was a medical facility, but the ER had been moved to the newer location.

So I got back in my car, spent the next 10 minutes trying to get out of the parking garage, and over bumps and hills I made it to the ER across town.

The pain had subsided somewhat, so I went into the ER and they started the paperwork process. As I sat down with the admin nurse the pain returned with a vengence. She asked me why I was there (did she not see me writhing in the chair?) what was the problem and some medical history. In the middle of this she discovered that she'd lost her thermomoter and began to search for it. Search for it?! Find a new one! I'm in pain here, lady!

Finally we headed into the actual ER where they gave me bed #1, which I felt should mean "patient #1 and we'll take care of you right away". A nurse came in and asked me the exact same questions as the first nurse. "How severe is the pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst?" she asked "'bout an 8" I replied. Then the admin nurse came back in to ask more question. At this point I was standing, sitting, kneeling, rolling, walking around, anything to ease the pain. She wanted more information. I wanted a pain killer.

After her was the lab lady to come take blood. Take blood? With a needle? As in more pain? "Is there anyway we can do this later?" I begged. Obviously this was not an option because they can't have blood with pain killers in it. Three vials were taken and off she went. The ER nurse returned and I asked if there was anything I could get for the pain "Well, the doctor isn't here yet, so no, I can't". So, for the next 20 minutes I was in the most incredible pain of my life. (Clearly I haven't given birth yet, but everyone who has tells me that they rank about the same).

Time had long past since I said to myself "I can't take anymore of this" when the doctor finally arrived and asked "So, what are you here for?" Are you serious? "Don't you guys talk to each other?" I cryptically asked him. Then he wanted to feel the painful area for any swelling. He had to keep moving my hands away because each prod made the pain worse and I kept trying to push his hands away. It wasn't even a conscience thought-it was simply a reaction to the pain-QUIT TOUCHING IT FOOL! Again I was asked what the pain level was. At this point I said "A 10! Definately a 10!". A few minutes later my ER nurse came in with two long syringes. Hey, at this point, stick me anywhere, I'm not going to feel a thing.

So into the hip she stuck me. One for nausea from the pain medication, and one filled with pain medication. Right away I was grateful for the nausea medicine because that pain medication does a number on your stomach. I was still clinging to the guard rail for dear life, but glad to know that relief was soon to come.

About 20 minutes later the pain began to subside and an hour later I was blissfully unaware to the world around me. They moved me in and out of X-ray and a CT Scan and I barely remember what happened.

Finally the doctor came back in "Everything looks good-("really Doc? Because I wasn't feeling so good" flitted across my thought waves) you may have had a kidney stone and already passed it. We can't find anything on the x-rays or the other tests. I'm going to give you a presciption and you'll have to drink plenty of fluids all day to day."

Well lovely . All that pain for some tiny specs called kidney stones. If I'm going to be in that much pain I figure I should at least have surgery, maybe even a lolleypop for my trials. Guess my Percaset will have to do.